Dear Amy: I’m 64 and a widow, living in my own home.
My sister is finally getting divorced after 30 years in a terrible marriage. She has a 21-year-old daughter.
She is going to be moving in with me while she figures out her next steps in life.
We lived together when we were younger, and got along very well.
My concern is with my niece, who will be coming with her. She is a good person – smart and savvy.
She works, and both my sister and I work full time during the day.
In the past, my niece has had boyfriends live with them and stay in her bedroom.
Also, there seems to be an open-door policy on friends coming and going. My sister said that she never knows who’s coming over, and they come at any time of the day and night.
I want them both to feel good about living here during this transition time. But I’m not comfortable with the open-door policy. What would be the best way to approach this?
– Excited but Nervous
Dear Excited: You should be completely honest with both women before they move in. Tell your niece that you are extremely uncomfortable having overnight guests in your home, and so you are going to say no to that. Ask her to describe the way she typically hosts friends, and if you want any guests out of the house before 11 p.m., you should say so.
Handling this in advance could head off problems and resentment later.
Dear Amy: Now that you are leaving your desk, I can finally ask a question that has been on my mind. I’m wondering how you handle the burden of learning so many sad stories?
– Wondering Reader
Dear Wondering: My own childhood (challenging, but happy) conditioned me toward empathy. My adulthood (challenging, but very happy) has taught me compassion. I feel honored that people who have suffered so much let their stories tumble out. They are far braver than I am.
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“Ask Amy” is coming to an end on June 30, 2024, after 21 years. You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
